So before we get into this, I learned about this cool thing called Resistbot this week. If you text RESIST to 50409, this little robot will send a personalized message to your representatives for you. So maybe take a second to hop on and let them know how you feel about DT and neo nazis. Ask your reps to denounce white supremacy, okay? It's literally the least they could do.
Ah, jeans. The quintessentially cool + casual pant donned by rock and roll rebels and suburban moms alike. There's something about a pair of blue jeans that makes you wanna crank up The Boss, tool around in the garage, and light up a Marlboro (red, obvs). But before you blow the dust off that Nebraska vinyl, I have a confession to make: I hate jeans.
There, I said it. I loathe Levis, despise dungarees, jeer at jeggings!
Few things have alienated me more from my fellow humans than my distaste for blue jeans.
So, why do I harbor such hatred for these hamhock holders? Welp, since your millennial attention span is undoubtedly waning, I've developed an abbreviated list.
4 Reasons Why Jeans Are The Actual Worst
1. THEY DON'T EFFING FIT.
As a lady who does her fair share of plei squats and Warrior 1's, my backside evokes the peach emoji. Any jeans that can harness my hindquarters will be falling off my waist. This creates a perpetual one inch space between my shirt and my pants whenever I sit down. I'm a professional woman/pillar of the community, and I don't have time to keep pulling my shirt down to conceal my regrettable lower back tattoo, k?
2. They feel like thigh prisons.
OK again—if you have thick thighs, you understand that jeans cling to them like seran wrap. I do not wish to have my thighs held in by a casing as if they were kielbasa sausages. #liberateyourlegs
3. They're confusing af.
High rise, boot cut, slim fit, skinny, stone-washed, boyfriend cut. The number of modifiers on a piece of clothing should not exceed my coffee order at Starbucks (which is three).
4. They are responsible for the invention of JORTS.
I could write a dissertation (or, like, another short list) about why jean shorts are problematic. As soon as you sit down, they immediately transform into a denim diaper. I threw all of my jean shorts into a donation bin at the beginning of the summer and I am never looking back.
I'm sorry to yuck everyone's yum here--and no, I didn't just create a new post so I could hate on your favorite pants. I'd like to showcase some ways that I do like my denim.
Starting with shortalls.
I can't explain why exactly (physics?) but these shortalls have none of the problems that regular jean shorts generally do. They have a loose fit, they never roll up awkwardly, and they're just dang cute.
I like pairing these with a crop top or a vintage tee, and throwing a kerchief in the mix for fun.
Obviously we gotta talk about denim dresses. I don't normally delve into 90's style, largely because I clearly remember the 90's and I'm not willing to recognize clothes from that decade as vintage, okay? But, I have always loved denim jumpers and maxi dresses. The elementary school teacher look just gets me...and now that I work in an elementary school, it's even more relevant.
This one has shoulder pads, which I usually cut out of clothing, but not this time!
So while we're on the subject of 90's elementary school teachers, animal print vest, anyone? I snagged this a couple of weeks ago for $1 and I think it's pretty rad. Feel free to zoom in to check out the animal details.
Anyways--back to the denim. This is a super soft, perfectly worn 70's jean skirt that I've had for years and I never tire of wearing. It's a fun alternative to your run-of-the-mill pencil-cut denim skirt.
Feel free to drop me a comment about your fave jeans brand and *maybe* I'll consider giving 'em a shot. After all, 80 million soccer moms can't be wrong.
Next week I'll be posting some pics of Back-to-School outfits. Spoiler Alert: Primary colors and fruits will feature heavily.
Until then, do yourself a favor and watch this video on repeat.